Sry I called you an 8
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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