My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
