do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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