I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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