dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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