You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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