Kiss
Puke
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
