Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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