Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
