ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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