I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
