Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
