good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
