I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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