so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize