hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
