were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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