just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
