Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
