Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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