So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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