I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
