I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
