I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
