We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
