i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
