yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
