Umm I'm too high to move.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
