2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
