i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
where are my eyebrows?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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