Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
