No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
