I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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