I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
