Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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