Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize