hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
