Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
