so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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