I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
