so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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