Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
