hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
