im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
