i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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