the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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