I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i think i just lost a toe
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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