I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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