My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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