I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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