I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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