I think im going to throw up on grandma
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
