I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
