Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
