Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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