imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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