We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize