I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
