Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just high enough for therapy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize