Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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