He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
