Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you made out with another girl for some wings
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
