looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
