How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Define "chronic" masturbator.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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