She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
