we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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