i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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